How'd it feel making her break her religion?
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
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