Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Randomize
