So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
