So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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