Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Randomize