Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
