Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
