If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
