Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
