just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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