I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Randomize
