i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
