we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
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