I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
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