I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
