I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
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