if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
