Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
