4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
