The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
