I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Randomize