I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
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