I just saw a hot homeless man
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Randomize
