Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
