Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
