Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
