fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
