umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
