So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
