Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
