Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
