just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Randomize
