but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
