Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize