I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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