i was born a porn star she said
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
