Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Randomize
