if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
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