also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Randomize
