carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
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