I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
