He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
