Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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