I swear she didn't look like that last week.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
