I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
God, I missed his penis.
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