When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
