ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Randomize
