it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize