She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize