You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
