Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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