I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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