I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
