Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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