just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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