yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
My dad just said "fuck circus"
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize