Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Randomize
