dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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