You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Randomize
