I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Dicks are not precious.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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