Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
