We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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