I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Randomize
