I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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