you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
