Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
