left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
