period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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