Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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