Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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