Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
