You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize