we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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