it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
