He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
