Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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