Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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