No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
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