Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
last night I used snow as a chaser
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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