Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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