You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
