ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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