I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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