Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
