I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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