How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Thank you for not boning my boss.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
