I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
what day is it and did you see me today?
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
The air taste purple.
Randomize
