so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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