so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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